12:08 pm

Full body profile/vital statistics at the beginning of the diet:

· Weight - 9 stone 3 pounds

· Height – 5 foot 1 inch

· Bra size – 36E (boohoo)

· Top dress size – 12

· Waist dress size – 10

· Hips/booty dress size – 12 (Beyoncé eat your heart out)

· Bust in inches – 40 inches

· Waist in inches – 30.5 inches

· Hips in inches – 39 inches

· Upper thighs in inches (whilst an unconventional measurement, I would like to monitor the ham’s progress) – 23 inches (!) Jesus Christ . . . I wish I’d never measured them now!

· Head size – ONLY JOKING

I will measure all of these again at the end of the diet, and we will see if the Special K diet makes any difference, or if it is just an epic rip-off like most ‘Use-our-product-and-you’ll-become-Scarlett-Johanson-or-Katherine-Heigl’ diets.

Also, for your information I have found a sports bra that actually fits! Huzzah! This means I have one less excuse for not exercising. Crap.